Feb 28|14

The Yawn

One of the most interesting things about moving your life to the literal, and figurative, place called Hollywood is seeing Hollywood cliches come to life before your very eyes. I’ve been obsessed with movies since I was very young, and as I grew older that obsession caused me to take an interest in the place where most of my favorite films were coming from - Hollywood.

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Nov 08|13

Goodbye to a friend, and hello to....something.

Hi. Hi there. Hello. Ahem. Where to start? Um...wow, this is awkward...I’m sorry I haven’t written in a while. It’s been a busy year for me. Not just saying that either! For reals! After spending the previous two years wearing pyjamas for week long stretches at a time and having cereal for dinner as I wrote spec screenplays from home, this year something weird happened - I was genuinely busy.

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Sep 12|12

The Golden Age, Or How I Learned To Stop Worrying About Throwing TV's Out Of Windows

One of the more disconcerting things that can happen to you as a thirty five year old is to meet someone who was born in the nineties. Not too long ago, I was chatting to the girlfriend of a friend of mine at a party and she informed me that she was twenty years old. That figure didn’t shock me, nor motivate me to do anything beyond offer the obligatory “I could be your father” line. Twenty is just a number and the part of my brain that deals in numbers is a dangerous, empty, Detroit-like neighborhood.

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Apr 19|12

The Great Mouse Fraud!

So here we are again. If the internet is a giant, coal-powered smelting oven that demands to be fed with shovel-loads of information every few seconds or it will wither and die, then I have my let my little patch of it starve to death. I have, as they say, taken a leave of absence. I’m okay with that though. As with many things in life, the trick is to not need it. As someone far wittier than me once said, “desperation is the world’s worst cologne”.

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Aug 31|11

Dud Silence: The Hellish Experience Of Making A Bad Horror Film

There’s nothing I love more than a good mountain climbing metaphor. Speaking in mountain climbing metaphors is a bad habit of mine. Maybe it’s because I’m a screenwriter. It’s like I’m a mountain climber and I can’t stop sculpting mountains out of mashed potatoes in my spare time. See what I did there? I did it again. I can’t stop. And never is a mountain climbing metaphor more appropriate than when I talk about my experiences working in Hollywood. Guess what experiences I’m about to relay to you in oh-so-riveting fashion? That’s right, my friend. Specifically, the worst experience I’ve ever had in this craaaaazy town of tinsel. Let’s get to it. Expect a few mountains along the way.

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Jul 10|11

My Years In Recovery: A Sordid Tale Of Celebrity, Anarchy And Graffitied Footwear

I was famous once...among the type of people who wrote on their shoes. In 1996, whilst “studying” at university in Melbourne, I got a job on a TV show called ‘Recovery’. Like me, when not “studying”, the kids in my class at university were day-dreaming of the day that their genius would finally be discovered by the world. In between all of this “studying” and day-dreaming, most of us had a part time job. That usually meant bartending - but for me it meant ‘Recovery’. It was a three hour long, completely live, music-based variety program that ran on Saturday mornings between 9am and noon. It aired on the ABC, the Australian cousin of the BBC, which meant that the network was government funded and had no need for commercials or, supposedly, commercial imperatives.

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